The "Book of Ken"

Anecdotes, Quips, Obscenities, and other Peculiar Penning
by one of Manhattan's Most Prolific, Fertile Writers



In a legal sense, I don't think anyone has anything to worry about.

But, from a universal/philosophical perspective Ken is in real trouble.
Until the end of his days, instead of the peaceful sleep of the righteous
when he lays his head down at the end of a long day, I forsee fitful visions
of Wade pinstripes...on horseback...celebrating his World Series
victory...attended by a cherub bearing a striking resemblance to Bucky Dent.

I don't wish this on you, Ken, you've proven to be a valued foot soldier for
the cause in the past. It's merely karmic payback. Don't mess with forces
beyond your control.

From: Howard, Robert []

Subject: RE: Hudson the Dog

Yes, Hudson is adorable!!!!

I have some other big news for everyone (and most of you don't know me
although I have a certain reputation amongst some as the obnoxious Yankees
fan). Attached is a very important message that everyone must read. It
deals with transformation, rebirth, a second life and a new world. I
hesitated to send the message given the threatened legal action at the end
of the email (see attached) but after advice from the sender's wife I was
assured of my safety.

Go Yankees!!! (Come on, weren't you thinking 'we have them right where we
want them' when Brosius came to bat last night). Ken, you are welcome to
come over Saturday and watch the Yankees game with me. Bring your Clemens



They shot the Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaghuey movie here last night. Don't
look for a Hudson The Dog cameo, though. We got no love from the director.
It's too bad. Lisa and I were walking him up and down the street all day
dressed up in every costume from Scooby Doo to Carmen Miranda (what range!)
hoping to land him a role. Nothing. Ah, Hollywood.

Leaving Your Man In 10 Days - that's the title of the movie, or something
like that. Matthew's scene was to run down three flights on our fire escape
to meet Kate at the front door. (You can look for a small cameo from our air
conditioning unit.) About three days to set up, about two hundred people out
there all last night, should be a grand total of one minute of film. We
didn't meet any stars - no "Kate Hudson, meet Hudson" exchanges - and Matthew
wasn't looking like the drop-dead hottie that Lisa figured she would
uncontrollably hurl herself at. Mostly I think that was because of the lime
green t-shirt he was wearing - the kind of shirt I'd worn for years (happily,
shabbily) until Lisa got veto power over my wardrobe.

The movie people were very nice. The entire street was blocked off and no
common folks were allowed in or out but they did make every allowance for
Hudson's digestive system. The three of us came downstairs at one point and
walked straight into bright lights and a sidewalk full of production people
and fans. I'm sure everyone not connected to the movie thought we were a
part of the scene - Lisa with Hudson on the leash, Hudson with his full full
bladder, and me taking out the garbage. Some fan snapped a picture. As soon
as we stepped out of range they did the first take. Strange to watch.
Looked like an unbelievable waste of time, talent, money, space, energy, etc
etc etc, but I'm sure will look like something on film someday. This first
shot was at about 10:30 last night. Lisa heard them cheer outside after the
last shot ("That's a wrap!") around five past five this morning.

The excitement is over. The only thing to hope for now is for them to use
Take 4 of the Going Down The Fire Escape scene. That's the one where I lean
out our window and gun my script at Matthew's head and holler, "Hey, man,
I've got a great part in here for you!" I missed him though, and ducked back
in when I heard, "CUT!"


Tell John congratulations. 10 years in fourth grade? I don't think even Bart Simpson has spent that long in fourth grade.



Talking to Joe and to Dad all day. Haven't talked to Mom at all. Dad seemed to want it all to come to him and have him present it to her all at once tonight.

Joe thinks she needs a sentinal node resection and then the mastectomy. I can't remember if I've talked to you guys before about this or not. It's just a minor procedure before the mastectomy where they take a lymph node for testing. No added misery or recovery time. If it's negative she's clear. If it's positive it means a whole new form of treatment. The doctor in Maine doesn't seem to think she needs it. (Don't forget we're doing everything third hand here. From doctor to mom to dad to me to Joe to Jeff Thurlow to you. There might be a missed thing or two here but there won't be by the time they decide what to do.) Near as I can figure now, the Maine guy judges by the size of the tumor, which was 0.2cm, way under his 2/3 inch benchmark. Joe's school of thought is not the size of it but it's grade, which is 3 on a 1-to-3 scale, 3 being the worst. Joe gave Mom's tests to a doctor in his office who does this operation and she concurred with his opinion. He then called Jeff Thurlow and saw that Jeff agreed with that too. Jeff apparently is going to King Street Sunday to go through everything with Mom. Also, if Mom decides for the resection but the guy in Maine won't do it, Joe can set her up at Mass General (Chick's left fist if I remember correctly) with a colleague who does nothing but these operations. I've been talking to Dad and he knows all this stuff. Ultimately, Joe says, it's her decision. Personally, I think it should be mine. I know more about this shit now than most surgeons, but I guess I'll leave it up to her too.

That's the latest. That and the Sox are getting rained out. Talk to you later.




I'm hearing rumors. A black puppy, huh? If you're on the fence I'm probably not the guy you want trying to talk you into going one way or the other. Me, I'd just shove you off to the side that says "Get one!"

A black lab was my first choice when shopping for Hudson but there were only browns available so I grabbed him. I can't imagine having a black now. If we ever get a second one it'll probably be a black female. They say there's no difference in personalities between the colors but I think that's a crock. Every yellow I've known is nuts, at least as puppies, and every black and chocolate have been sane. (Well, Hudson has his moments, but don't we all?)

The only reason I'd say not to get one is if he'd have to be left alone for the day. The only time Hudson's ever a pain in the ass is when he hasn't had enough to do. We got into a routine pretty quick that wears him out. He was pretty easy as a puppy. Better than I thought he was going to be but obviously there is work to do. Sleep him in a crate was the best advice we ever got. He loved it in there. First two nights I had to get him out and take him out and play with him and tire him out. Third night and ever since, he's slept all the way through. (Here's hoping my kid will be that good.) We only put the crate away about a month ago. Now he sleeps on his own bed next to ours. It used to be, he'd never whine to get us up but he'd pounce when he saw us stirring. Now he doesn't want to be bothered until we're showered and headed out the door in the morning.

*During the days as a puppy, we'd put him in the crate for two hours and take him out for two hours all day long. That worked. That thing housebroke him in about six weeks. We built barricades in our apartment until he proved he could behave himself. Seems like a lifetime ago. Buy a lot of chew things - he won't go after the furniture that way.

Taking him to the beach now - or to Steve's farm too - he runs off the leash but stays with fifty yards or so of wherever I walk. It's like there's an invisible rope. And of course, a few biscuits in your pockets make you a god in his eyes.

Labs are the easiest dogs as far as maintenance goes. We don't do anything. We're supposed to brush him once a week but we always forget. He doesn't shed really. Pete doesn't either but Dewey does. That's probably another yellow thing. When he gets sloppy-spitty playing with other dogs we wipe him down with baby wipes and then he's good to go.

Anything else you need to know? Believe me, I could lay it on much much thicker than this. Obviously there are some down sides. But those shoes of Lisa's that he ate I always hated anyway. And some day he'll learn that eating discarded bits of bagel and half-eaten pizza off the street is really kinda nasty.


PS - Finally, it's a cheap shot, but open the picture.



Watershed moment in the pregnancy yesterday. Lisa and I were in a Barnes &
Noble and Lisa was browsing the big tables of books. She at one table,
another woman at another, Lisa tried to slide by the other woman without
disturbing her. She stood straight up, got up on her toes, sucked in her
breath and sidled by. Still, her belly knocked over a stack of books on
the table she was facing. The falling books started a domino effect across
the table, with books tumbling everywhere, a manager yelling "Hey!" and
ended with Lisa and I running the hell out of the store. Anyway, I'm
starting a pool now. Not one for the birth, though. That'll come later.
Right now I'm taking August 7th as the day Lisa with her belly knocks some
poor kid to the floor of some retail store.


Well as I get bigger and bigger the list just keeps getting longer.

> 5) People on a overcrowded sweaty subway offer you a seat
> 4) You are walking the dog and random people look at you and say
> "congratulations"
> 3) You can't go through any checkout counter, food, clothes, deli without
> the checkout person asking you when you are due
> 2) You go from being a tough respected trader to someone they imitate by
> walking like a penguin around the trading floor and the #1 reason you know you're pregnant is...
> 1) Your husband takes a maternity blouse to the drycleaner and it takes
> him 5 minutes to figure out whether or not it is as dress or a shirt.




We were about this close to making the birth announcement last night. Lisa and I were sitting on the love seat last night and Hudson was sitting on the ground in front of us. The look on his face said he was remembering the last time he tried to snuggle up to her and found it impossible to lay comfortably on her rounded stomach. So this time he figured he'd have a better shot if he just dropped in from the sky. From his sitting position he leapt high, landing perfectly on Lisa's belly. Lisa's arms and legs went splaying out in every direction and she made a noise I'm sure that's only ever been heard in delivery rooms. My water broke. Good thing he's a small lab, though. Five pounds heavier and the baby would've squirted out, cleared the coffee table, and landed on the couch.




08/06/2003 04:30 PM,,,,,
Thank you notes

Lisa got right at it and wrote out her thank you notes for the baby shower gifts. Got them in the mail today. Fine work, but it wasn't easy. Just when (she thought) she was finished, I noticed an envelope that read, "Teddi Callahan."

I said, "It's Teddi McCarthy."
She said, "Who?"
I said, "Teddi McCarthy is my aunt. Teddy Callahan is my cousin."

And that started it. (Every word of this is true, by the way. I don't how Lisa's been so confused.)

Lisa asked, "What is Kris's last name?"
I said, "It depends. I have two cousins named Kris."
Lisa - "Which one is married to the guy named Bill?"
Me - "They both are."

Lisa - "Who is Pat?"
Me - "My cousin Pat, my aunt Pat or my cousin Patricia?"

Lisa - "Where is Mark and Jack?"
Me - "Mark and Jack my brothers? Or my cousin's husband Mark and his son Jack."

Lisa - "And Jackson's real name is...?"
Me - "John. Same with my brother Jack and my father Jack. Same as my cousin and Sue's boyfriend, both of whom go by John."
Lisa - "So at any given moment, how many Johns are in a room?"
Me - "Assume two. At least."

Lisa - "What is your uncle Bud's real name?"
Me - "On my father's side, Uncle Bud's real name is Thomas. Just like his daughter Kris and her husband Bill's son is named Thomas. On my mother's side, my Uncle Bud's real name is Kevin. That Uncle Bud also has a daughter Kris married to a Bill but no, they don't have any children. Uncle Bud (Kevin) does have a son named Kevin, though."
Lisa - "Any more Kevins?"
Me - "My cousin Debbie has a son named Kevin. And I have a father's side cousin named Kevin."
Lisa - "Again, who is your cousin Kevin's father?"
Me - "Which side of the family?"
Lisa - "Mother's side?"
Me - "Uncle Bud."
Lisa - "Father's side."
Me - "Uncle Bud."

Lisa - "Your cousin Patricia's husband is...?"
Me - "Bob."
Lisa - "And your aunt Jeanne's husband is...?"
Me - "Bob."
Lisa - "And your cousin Debbie's husband...?"
Me - "Bobby."

Lisa - "Eddie."
Me - "A mother's side cousin and a father's side uncle. Also, Eddie was my mother's brother and my father's father."
Lisa - "And your middle name is...?"
Me - "You know my middle name." (It's Edward.)

Lisa - "Mike and Joan."
Me - "Mother's side cousin Mike and his wife. Father's side cousin Joan and her husband."

Lisa - "Kaitlyn."
Me - "Father's side cousin Teddy Callahan's (see above) daughter, and mother's side cousin Craig Manzi's daughter."

Lisa - "Lisa."
Me - "Mother's side cousin, and father's side cousin's daughter. And you."

Lisa - "Karen Frances."
Me - "Karen Frances Callahan my sister, and Karen Frances Shaffer my cousin's daughter."
Lisa - "There are more Franceses than that."
Me - "My father's mother, and my father's brother, although he spelled it Francis."
Lisa - "And how many Frances/Francis middle names?"
Me - "Too numerous to count."

Lisa - "Okay. Let's get away from your family for a second. Sue's boyfriend John - his twin brother Jeff is married to a girl whose maiden name was...?"
Me - "Callahan. No relation."
Lisa - (passed out cold)
Me - "Welcome to the family."





Lisa and I had our first birthing class yesterday. They don't call it Lamaze anymore, which is good, because birthing I know how to spell and lamaze to make sure I'm right I'd have to look up. Things I won't be defining in this email: "mucous plug" "gellataneous" and "ripening of the cervix." Things you won't be seeing: any video or any kind of a child being born. We sat through three of them yesterday and we both agreed for our second child we'll just go shopping on the black market.

Three classes at five hours each, we went in there wondering what they were going to do with us for fifteen hours. We have a lot to learn, obviously. The great credentials we've built up as Aunt and Uncle, we learned pretty quick, mean absolutely nothing here. Still, fifteen hours seemed like a lot. We heard of other classes doing it in less than eight hours. Not to mention the fact women have been dropping babies since Eve, and the classes have only been around since, what, the seventies?

Eighteen people in class - nine couples - we were with the exception of maybe one other woman the youngest people in there. Lisa will be 32 when we drop our first. My mother stopped having babies when she was 33 because she thought that was too old.

The teacher was nice, young, and we weren't buying a word of what she was saying until she finally told us she had two kids of her own.

We learned there are four phases labor. Early, defined by a cartoon of a smiling woman. Active, the cartoon woman looks a little perplexed. Transitory, she looks like she's in some serious pain here. And Birth, Medusa herself.

Couple other good things learned early in class. One, in the transitory stage, there are breaks long enough sometimes, the woman will have a chance to relax and enjoy a cup of tea, the teacher said, or even a glass of wine. We perked up at that. The other good thing was we found a Baskin & Robbins at break time. Lisa walked back into class with a double scoop of chocolate and peanut butter and had the eight other preggos drooling.

Got a refresher course in the metric system, to learn just how big "10cm dialated" really is. I kind of remember how big 10cm was, but I only ever learned metric distances in straight thin lines. Didn't seem so bad that way. But then remember the 10cm is the diameter of a circle. A big circle. Think nerf basketball. Ouch.

One thing I can define for you here is the "Social self." This is the Lisa that will disappear when the labor gets serious. She'll be uncommunicative, in unbearable pain, unable to know where she is or who is next to her. Different women lose their social self at different times. Lisa says she hasn't seen hers since her last glass of wine in Venice last September.

The homework we have for this week is to figure out how - to this point in her life - Lisa best handles pain. I asked her what was the most pain she's ever been in. She said waking up from her appendectomy. I asked, how'd you handle that? She said with morphine. I said, great! Homework done.

They gave us different ways of dealing with the pain. One is visualization - the woman just focuses on something, either a person or a picture, and rides it out that way. Another is auditory - we'll play music or I'll speak to Lisa in soothing and loving and inspirational tones. (Yeah, I know. Lisa laughed at that one too.) A third is vocalization. A deep resonating moan can actually ease the pain of the contraction. High pitched screaming doesn't help here - it has to be a low slow vibrating sort of moan. They played an audio tape of this one woman vocalizing. It sounded a lot like a walrus stuck under the tire of a car but, hey, whatever works. Also, I suppose, there's the chance Lisa will be one of those grab-my-husband-by-the-bejoobies-and-let's-SHARE-THIS-PAIN kind of gals. We'll just have to wait and see. We're preparing for everything - pictures, CD player, moaning practice, athletic cup and supporter, etc.

That was about it for lesson one. Tune in next week when we talk about rupturing membranes.



Lisa and I had our second lesson in giving birth. Hasn't changed our mind at all as far as finding a new way to garner a second child.

We saw videos of about 19 more births. Every position and situation imaginable, and some unimaginable. The gore doesn't even phase us anymore. The disturbing thing about all these video births is how many people these women have in the room with them. Midwife and assistants, husband and parents, friends and neighbors, uncles, aunts, cousins, in-laws, I think a saw some couple's cable guy in there once. A few even had kids in there, the older silbings of the baby being born. Not to mention the cameraman and his whole crew. There was an eight year old boy in one video, waiting on his little sister or brother to emerge, and a woman standing next to him was saying how she was in the room when he was born and how she was one of the first people to hold him and kiss him and how now he was going to be able to do that for this baby and how wonderful it all was. The kid looked like he had no idea who this lady was - who knows? maybe no one else in the room did, either - and was just dying to go outside and play.

Anyway, breathe easy. No cameras and no extras are coming into our room. Email is as close as you guys are gonna get. Once we get the kid cleaned up a little - okay, a lot - we'll send a picture.

The Elizabeth Seton Center - where we're taking these classes - is a real naturalist place. Natural this and natural that. Bunch of hippies. For the snack table, someone brought in a big box of trail mix. Trail mix. After six solid months of Twinkies, crunchy Cheetos, and peanut butter-and-chocolate ice cream, trail mix does just nothing. It's like eating a path. However, when we saw the set-up Elizabeth Seton has, we had second thoughts about going to a hospital. The birthing rooms are nicer than our apartment. They're huge and you get to stay in it by yourself as long as you need it. Then we realized there are no doctors here - just midwifes. We'd rather have the doctor, we decided. Then they said midwifes aren't allowed to administer drugs of any kind. See ya bye.

Drugs are frowned upon here. To defend ourselves, I probably should have printed out all the responses I got to the Class # 1 email last week. We started studying drugs toward the end of class but people were fading fast, falling asleep, still tired from the blackout the day before. (Lisa handled it fine, by the way. Got a ride down the 50 floors in her office building with three other pregnant women in a freight elevator, and walked home. Back sore for a few days but she's recovered. My back is recovering too, thanks for asking, after carrying the dog up and down the four flights of stairs to our apartment while the elevator was out. Hudson was petrified and tried to shrink to nothing every time I had to pick him up. I'm lucky he didn't whizz all over me, although according to Mark, that's good practice if we have a boy.) The rest of the drug education comes next week.

We simulated contractions in class. For the women and the men. The teacher passed out ice cubes to everyone and we had to hold them in the palm of our closed hand three times for a full minute each, with a three minute break in between. Doesn't sound like much, but try it. Wow. The pain (well, for me anyway) begins obviously with the skin touching the ice but then it creeps into your wrist and up that bone all the way to your elbow. Suddenly I heard myself breathing, "hoo hoo hee hee," and checked my watch to see how long we had to go - 54 seconds. It was a long damn minute. The third time it was just for the women, and we men were supposed to read what their pain was saying. Lisa seemed to be handling it okay. I asked her, "What is your pain telling you?" She shrugged and said, "Epidural."

Anyway, now I know what contractions feel like.

(... waiting to write the next paragraph... waiting for all the moms reading this to finish cursing... waiting... waiting...)

The ice cube was such an emotional experience for one woman that she cried. Seriously. Between the pain and the loving support of her husband and the meaning of it all, she was bawling. Over an ice cube. Man. Good luck to those guys. Bet you anything they were the ones who brought the trail mix.

Next week, we tackle "expulsion of the placenta." Not looking foward to it. After watching a video of a birth this week, I saw the doctor go back to work and I nudged Lisa and said, "Hey, twins!" but I was wrong. Bad wrong.



Last birthing class last weekend. It's good to be done.

The class started out with a reunion of a previous class - all the parents in there with their new babies. That was kind of fun. A before-and-after sort of thing. The new parents in class described their births. They all tried to go natural but each of them went to the epidural, for which they were all apologetic. (We did not judge.) One woman described pushing and pushing for hours but her baby just wouldn't drop, so they needed to do a c-section. She was very disappointed. Not for the major surgery but for the fact now she couldn't take her placenta home. The class grew plenty silent over that one - I heard Lisa freeze solid beside me - and eventually the new parents left and we went back to our regular class.

The teacher started in on postpartum lessons but no one was really getting into it. Finally someone asked, WHY did that woman want to take her placenta with her? The teacher shrugged and said some people like to plant it under a tree at home. Someone in class offered that farm animals eat their placentas after birth for the iron after the tremendous loss of blood for the mother. Lisa said we'd just get a nice big jar of One-A-Day vitamins and call it good.

Whatever happened in class after that is kind of a blur. Something about natural ways to induce labor - raspberry teas, accupressure points, full moons (Sept 10th, too early; Oct 10th, waaaay too late) - but I sat there wondering the whole time if we had a tree at home and some planting to do, and I was driving home from the hospital and got pulled over, what would I tell the cop if he asked, "So, what's in the zip-lock bag?"

Anyway, we're about as ready as classes can make you, which is probably to say - once that first real contraction hits and Lisa sends me soaring across the room - not much. One thing they didn't get into was stuck-in-the-elevator births. New York City, you'd think that'd be required. We'll just have to wing that one.

Karen's reply
Ooohhh. The elevator birth... Ken, I recommend caring an epideral with you AT ALL TIMES from now on.

Jack's Reply
I for one am glad that the birthing classes are over. All they did was bring back those awful memories of when you kids were born.
I don't know how I got through it....


Tawna's Reply

#1 Why couldn't she take the placenta home just because she had a c-section? I didn't actually check, but I don't think they left it in when I had Abby...

#2 In the elevator (cab, subway, whatever). I can't believe they didn't mention it, but keep the cord attatched.

Susan's Reply

I'd recommend staying out of any elevator that Lisa rides in from now until after the baby is born. Sorry Lisa.

Susan Callahan
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

Hudson in the crosshairs. That's her.


September 05, 2003


Abby was two days after my birthday, so I'm going with that angle (of course I was induced, so it might not work out) That would be Sept 22 right? Girl 7-15 1/2

----- Original Message -----
To: ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
Sent: Friday, September 05, 2003 7:36 AM
Subject: Baby pool

All right, sports fans, it's time to make your guesses. The list so far is all of Lisa's Indian side of the family. We'll be playing for heavy Callahan stakes (big promises of money/no one paying up/unless Jackson wins and we have to pay in which case it is small money). First factor is the date, then the sex, then weight. Couple of hints - the baby has dropped, Lisa's back is killing her, the crib has been delivered, full moon is Sept 10th, and we went to the doctor last night and she told us the head was "right there." 0cm dialated, though, and I have a lot of sheetrocking to do before I'll let it get further.


Apparently the Indian side is guessing fat early boy. And notice how no one dared to guess a date after Lisa's. One last hint - if Lisa's hormonal mood swings are any clue, we'd have had this baby six weeks ago. Good luck.


Jack's Reply

Reversing the Curse:

Date: October 2, 2003.....

Twenty fifth anniversary of the second playoff game in American League
history. Red Sox win their last eight games of the regular season to tie
the Yankees for first place in the East. The infamous Bucky Dent, two-out,
three-run fly ball home run into the left-field net puts New York ahead to
stay in the seventh inning. The Red Sox leave two men on in the ninth
inning and lose 5-4.

Sex:...I'm going with a girl....."Theodora Williams"



Date 9/27

That's a Saturday and I know Lisa wants to be convenient for us out laws who have to travel.
Sex Boy, Boy, Boy, That's 3 votes for Me, Alex, and Jackson.

Weight 9-1 For Ted and Bobby

From Ka

I'm going with Sept 18th, boy, 5 lbs 5 oz (we can hope, right, Lisa!!).

From Jack & Tawna

Some celebrity birthdays:

Sept 15 Prince Harry, Tommy Lee Jones
Sept 16 Allen Funt, Robin Yount
Sept 17 Anne Bancroft, John Ritter, Elvira
Sept 18 Jada Pinkett Smith, Frankie Avalon
Sept 19 Jeremy Irons, Adam West, Twiggy, Mama Cass
Sept 20 Gary Cole, Sophia Loren, Dr. Joyce Brothers
Sept 21 Faith Hill, Ricki Lake, Stephen King, Bill Murray
Sept 22 Scott Baio, Joan Jett, Tommy Lasorda
Sept 23 Jason Alexander, Bruce!!, Ray Charles
Sept 24 Jim McKay, Linda McCartney, Jim Henson
Sept 25 Heather Locklear, Will Smith, Christopher Reeve
Sept 26 T.S. Eliot, Olivia Newton-John, Serena Williams
Sept 27 Meat Loaf, Shaun Cassidy, Wilford Brimley
Sept 28 JACKSON!! Hilary Duff, Gwyneth Paltrow
Sept 29 Gene Autry, Madeline Kahn, Bryant Gumbel
Sept 30 Jenna Elfman, Dominique Moceanu, Johnny Mathis

I'll go into October if it becomes necessary...

From Janet

Janet: Sept 19, girl, 8-4

Logic..Likes the guy at the Italian restaurant.
Likes the girl name better than the boy name.
Friday would be very convienent
A sure winner


From Ken 9.11.03

I don't want to be around the next time Lisa and Meghan meet up where Meghan just picked October 15th for the birth. I sense a mood swing coming on...



From Jack 9.12.03

-----Original Message-----
From: Callahan, Jack []
Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 10:18 AM
To: Ken Callahan (E-mail)
Cc: Dad (E-mail); Ka-at Work (E-mail); Karen Callahan (E-mail); Mark
Callahan (E-mail); Sue at work (E-mail); Sue Callahan (E-mail); Tawna
Callahan (E-mail); ''
Subject: Kids

Ken and Lisa..

I'll deny I ever said anything...but labor is the easiest part about
parenthood. Although I was very hungry throughout the whole when the nurse finally brought me a cup of coffee it had no sugar in it.
Geez. Not that labor was a picnic or anything...but it lasted lasted
only about 8 to 10 hours...then its over. Done.

Years 1 and 2 are not bad...a little tougher than labor...because its
longer. No sleep. Diapers. The kid can't talk to tell you want they're
screaming about. Often times I wondered if it was simply a little itch
in the middle of their back. If I couldn't back up to a door casing for a
nice scratch, I'd be screaming too.

Years 3 and 4 get a little worse...mostly because of school. I
remember everyone being so excited for Taylor to start nursery school. Not me.
I tried telling them, but no one listened. School, in a way, ruins them.
No more innocence. They're out there in the real world. No more fun.
You'll find out what I mean when you first drop them off to school. I still
get a little sad when I see a little kid saying goodbye to Mom at the bus
stop. The kid hops in and the bus pulls away. It's just not right.

Years 5 and 6 still get a bit worse....mostly because organized sports
begin. I could go on forever here.... but trust me, this is labor
times 1,000,000. If you were thinking years 5 and 6 were still too young for
organized'd be missing the boat. If your kid doesn't start
now...forget it. Their life would essentially be over.

Years 7 and 8.....still getting worse. Friends enter the picture so the
kids have a little less time for you. Of course organized sports is
still there.

Years 9 and 10....this makes years 1 through 8 seem like a breeze. More
friends. Organized sports just jumped a level, because now they're on a
traveling team. Not only do you have to deal with nutty parents,
off-the-wall grandparents, certifiable have to spend an
average of $750 per week in hotels and meals traveling to Burlington,
Vermont to watch your daughter's 10 and under team team lose 76-4 to a
team from Connecticut stacked with a bunch of 12 year olds because their
coach has visions that this is just a stepping stone to a coaching career in
the NBA.

Year 11...we just moved up another notch on the bad scale. Friends.
Sleepovers. Sports. Traveling sports. Sex. I don't ask for much..
just a cup of coffee in the morning watching Sports Center. A few minutes to
relax. Just get away from everything. No worries. Not anymore. With
Kobe Bryant as the lead story most of the time, I have one eye on the
television, and one eye peeking over to Jackson hoping like hell he won't ask me
what the terms sexual assault and rape are. I wonder if I should quickly
change the channel before he notices...I don't though because I figure that
would be too obvious. I try coughing when the anchor starts describing the
charges. Jackson thinks I'm an idiot....oh how I'd love to be back
changing his diaper.

Year have no idea. I dropped Taylor off today at Middle
School. Sometime during the night she turned into a twenty-four year old. She
was wearing, what I guess these kids today call, a skirt. It looked more
like a bathing suit bottom. I think it was the one she picked out at the
Cape with Lorinda. I'll talk with her later. They came home from shopping
that day and Dick said, "Today is the day that we had lost our little Taylor
in a Filenes dressing room." Ain't that the truth.

The oufit wasn't the worst part of the day see, Taylor
has her first school dance tonight. Enough said?

I'd give anything to be sitting on the end of the bed..with a pregnant,
naked Tawna standing on the bed behind me choking the living daylights
out of me. Her IV caught in my lip causing a pain that can only be
described as a notch below a sigmoidoscopy. Yes, sir I'd love to be back there. No
sugar in my coffee? problem. Trying to keep up with an ambulance
on the way to Boston in the middle of the night?....any day. No
sleep?...piece of cake. Changing diapers?....get out of my way.

So, I guess, enjoy the's by far the easy part.

Are you going to watch the Sox tonight? Tape it for me, will ya. I
think I'll be spending the night hiding in the rafters of the Kingswood Middle
School gymnasium.

Take care,





Doctor visit two Thursdays ago, she noticed the head was "right there!" and predicted an early birth. Doctor visit last Thursday, she wasn't necessarily predicting the early birth anymore.

Rough week, off and on. Lisa's been real nauseous, throwing up and everything. Saturday night was bad. We called the doctor and she said it was either early labor or just a bug and we'd know for sure within a couple of hours. Soon, Lisa was asleep and felt much better all day Sunday. So we guessed that meant a bug. However, the bug is back this morning and she feels lousy again. Stayed home from work today. I'm taking good care of her, though. As we speak, she's cooking me lunch.

Hurricane Isabel is on the way, so you guys travelling should keep an eye on it. We're hearing now it is supposed to hit the US between Carolina and Maryland, and could be the strongest storm ever to hit land. Naturally. They're predicting Thursday, Friday and Saturday here to be miserable.

Joan has been in town this weekend, scheduled to leave tomorrow. She wants the kid before then almost as much as Lisa. We'll keep you posted.

KD (KenDog)



Hi John -

Yup, I'm making the leap. PC to Mac. You are my leading Mac proponent so I thought I'd make sure you knew what I was up to. I've just started shopping and don't know what to get. I'll tell you what I think I need as far as bells and whistles. Will you let me know if I'm missing something big?

Things I want/need:
Laptop - no discussion. It's got to be portable.
Big strong battery - most of the time I'll have power access but if I don't I want the battery to last at least six hours or so. Is that reasonable? Ridiculous? Can you power them up in the front seat of a car? Word processor - obviously. I have software called Final Draft which I've hooked up to our desktop PC and want to plug the same thing into my laptop.
Internet connection - don't really care. This is a working computer, not playing.
Games - see above.
Hookups - to a printer I already own (hopefully), to my digital camera, digital movie camera and iPod (which is standard, isn't it? because that's an Apple product.)
A good DVD player - for plane ride/long car ride entertainment

I mostly want a laptop to work on but if it's no big extras, I'd like the goods to make DVDs with our home movies/pictures like you did for Karen last year. The picture of George W Bush notwithstanding. Most of the stuff I want seems standard. If there's anything you think I should look for - ports, power, whatever - will you let me know?





Who's Caleb?

To: ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;
Sent: Friday, November 14, 2003 8:32 AM
Subject: Caleb update

You guys must be wondering where I've been with all the Caleb updates. I apologize. This must have been very hard on you. Haven't spent much time at the desk lately. Trying to get some work done on the apartment and get ready to move into my new office by December 1st.

Anyway, we took him to the doctor's for his first shots the other day. (He cried a lot; Lisa cried a little.) The big news is he grew three-and-a-half inches last month. Just an amazing kid, huh? On of the most amazing ever, don't you think? He's two feet tall. He should be Mark's height by Christmas. He weighs 10 pounds now which means theoretically he can now sustain himself to sleep through the night. We take this as the same myth that said breast-milk-fed diapers don't stink. Up two times a night. If we get him to one time a night we'd take that as a major victory.

At two feet he is now one-third as tall as me. If you triple his size he would be 6 feet tall and 30 pounds - roughly my height and weight my junior year in high school.

He smiles a lot and has gas a lot more. The gas is what keeps him up at night we think. He gets these shooting pains that wake him all the time. Trying a bunch of different things to alleviate it. What works best is the Gas Pump. You take his feet and bend his knees deep up into his chest. Pump his legs up and down, up and down, you hear results almost every time. Makes us so proud.






My family is very, very strange....................

Susan Callahan
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

----- Forwarded by Susan Callahan/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 09/26/2003 01:24 PM -----
"Callahan, Jack" <>

09/26/2003 11:58 AM

To: "''" <>,, "Callahan, Jack" <>,,,,,,
Subject: RE: A week in the life

Turned 40 years, nine months, 25 days, 21 hours and 53 minutes last night at 9:53pm last night. Feels like a lifetime.

My head seems to be shrinking too. Or maybe it's just my hair falling out. It's hard to tell when I'm that close to the mirror. I need someone to come over who saw me at the beginning and give me an update (I guess that means you, Mom). It was funny to be naked at the doctor's the other day. The nurse practitioner laughed so much when she saw me. Tawna tries to keep me somewhat dressed all the time...she also mentioned something about the body of a rubber chicken.

I'm not sleeping well at all. I've eaten every two hours pretty much my entire adulthood...but doesn't seem to have helped. I'm pretty cranky to be put down around 10pm, but I finally go. Abby takes the the 1am ear holding then I usually take the couch.

I pray to heaven above every day about avoiding minor male surgery (or any male surgery for that matter)...for which, I know, we're all thankful. My belly button is in rather decent shape I must say after 40 plus years.

I haven't spit up since my bachelor party back in 1989.

I've walked around the neighborhood. Mandi loves to lick my feet for reasons only known to a dog.

I saw a vibrating seat at the furniture store....maybe for Christmas?


One more thing, for those of you wondering: I've whizzed six times so far today. Tawna? You'd better ask her.



-----Original Message-----
From: []
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2003 10:13 AM
Subject: A week in the life

Turned a week old at 9:53pm last night. Feels like a lifetime.

I think the conehead is shrinking but it's hard to tell when you're this close to him. We need someone to come over who saw it at the beginning and give us an update. It was funny to see him naked at the doctor's the other day. He cries so much when he's naked we usually try and keep him somewhat dressed all the time and were surprised on Tuesday to see he still has the body of a rubber chicken.

He's sleeping pretty well. The idea now is to feed him closer to two hours apart during the day and then four hours apart at night, just to teach him the difference between the two. Although I think our surly attitudes at 3am should be his best clue. He's pretty cranky to be put down around 10pm but he does finally go. Lisa takes the 1 or 2am feed then I take the 5am one. Last couple of days, I've slept - or at least have been off duty - from 11 to 5 and Lisa is off from 3 to 9am, when he gets up again. It's funny. He's tough to wake up at nine. Got to strip him to his diapers to get him moving and kicking and sucking. Lisa pumps a lot and he takes the bottle as well as the breast.

He's healing well from his minor male surgery, for which I know we're all thatnkful. Belly button is still rather nasty. I'm counting the days on that one.

I was just about to write how he rarely spits up (only twice in the first week - once in his bed and once into Hudson's mouth, for which Hudson was thankful) and since I've started this email, he's yakked twice more.

We've put him in the stroller a few times for walks around the neighborhood. He never wakes up. Hudson goes too and isn't exactly protective of the kid. We do use him to lick Caleb's feet to wake him up for the 9am feeding.

Tried him in his vibrator seat yesterday. He might be a little small for it yet but he wasn't complaining so we left him there. Check out the picture. He looks fine, no?

The goal for today is to get Lisa outside before 4pm. I'm only out there before then because of the dog. Wish us luck.


One more thing, for those of you wondering about the score: Caleb has whizzed on me six times so far. Lisa, zero.


Mom was right he does look a little like Mark!

Susan Callahan
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235



09/23/2003 09:16 AM

cc: Subject: Two for three

So much for sleeping through the night. I was up with him from 12 to 3 - broken sleep Jack, I hear ya - and Lisa had him, apparently, at 5:30. (There was nothing broken about my sleep there.) Without going into too much detail for Ann's sake the input/output is on track. Little slow still, I think, but really, what do I know? Won't take to Lisa just yet but she's pumping and we're feeding him that way. The days of walking back into his room and touching him are over. Now that wakes him up. Mark, the score you're asking for - he's whizzed three times on me, none on Lisa. He's not big on being naked - hates getting his diaper changed. My first brilliant move as a father so far - beyond tracking down the epidural guy before he disappeared into surgery - is sticking his pacifier in during the changes. Still taking pictures, still taking video. Took him for his first walk outside yesterday. He liked it. Thinks Soho is a little pricey but he liked it. Off to the pediatrician at 2:30 today. I almost just wrote vet there, adding to the fact I've called him "Hudson" once so far, "good dog" once, and today I whistled to get his attention. I'm including another picture. It's true what they say - his look changes all the time.




Thought you might like to know Ken is enjoying his laptop. In case you're wondering Caesar was my grandparent's boxer. He could clear a room is two seconds flat!

Susan Callahan
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

----- Forwarded by Susan Callahan/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 04/20/2004 02:01 PM -----

04/20/2004 01:59 PM

cc: Subject: Caesar lives

I know, I know, 2004 is the Year of the Bride and all, but here's some of what your top usher goes through.

I'm at my office. Apparently sometime earlier today, Hudson lost a battle against a rancid buffalo and for remittance the buffalo crawled up his ass and has been bellowing all day. Holy cow. I have two windows here - and thank god - but you can only slide them open. I'm tempted to kick them off the hinges to get that much more air in here. And he's just laying there. Right under my desk. Igniting bombs that would make Caesar get up and leave the room. No words of warning and no looks of apology. I'm writing this standing in the corner opposite my desk. Breathing shallowly. Eyes stinging.

This email was made possible by John Thurlow and the wireless internet connection he uploaded into this laptop because Christ knows I can't make it to the phone jack.



06/15/2004 03:02 PM

Subject: June 14th, 2004

Cutting up lettuce last night I took a honking slice into the top of my left thumb and took a ride down to the emergency room. I am glad to say that due to the advances in medical science over the last fifteen years or so, the doctor did not chuck the tip of my thumb into the trash. Couple of stitches, good as new.

Now, I know a lettuce injury isn't as rugged-sounding as a baseball injury or a pogo-stick wipeout, and it isn't as potentially lethal as a fractured skull or a ketchup face-plant, and it isn't nearly as painful as having a yard-long stretched-tight attic door metal spring pluck you in the forehead, but still, there was some carnage. The taco salad was ruined. Had to order in.

Anyway, that brings us to today's Top Five List:

Top five activities over the course of the day with which you take your left thumb for granted.

5 - Making taco salad.
4 - Tying your shoes.
3 - Typing any word that contains a "V."
2 - Putting on your baseball glove at your office and tossing a ball in the air to yourself while deep in thought.
1 - Applying deodorant underneath your right arm. (You have to use your right hand, and look a lot like monkey putting on deodorant. Well, if monkeys used deodorant. Which some of them should.)



Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

----- Forwarded by Susan Thurlow/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 09/16/2004 02:29 PM -----

09/16/2004 02:20 PM

Subject: India

Just checked the weather in Bombay. Hundred and five degrees, hundred percent humidity. And I'm not allowed to wear shorts. Go Irish.

Flying out tonight. I think my chances at getting on the internet are good. I'll give you as many updates as I can. For example, I weigh 187 pounds today. This time next week, the line from Vegas says 134.

Godspeed to me.




Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

----- Forwarded by Susan Thurlow/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 09/22/2004 10:05 AM -----

09/22/2004 09:03 AM

Subject: Kovalum, India

Hi everyone -

We're still kicking. And the weather has actually cooled off some, but in the way Mercury cools off when it rotates into night.

We are at a beach resort for the next few days at the southern tip of the country. A few days of relaxing. From Madras last week, we went to Joe's hometown of Kottayam. Visited his sister Susan there, and her husband Johny. Agnes - sister-in-law from Canada but here for a couple of months - was there. We visited his family's house, and then walked up the street to the church and school. This is an amazing tour being with him. Seeing things no tourist would ever see.

Lisa and Ann visited this same school some 20 years ago and the kids back then were amazed by Ann's braces and Joan's reddish blonde hair. Well, not much has changed. Kids came charging out their classes to look at us and wave to us. Some dared even to touch us. Unreal. Felt like Elvis. I swear they were asking me for my autograph, but when Joe translated for me later, turns out they were saying, "Look at Whitey sweat!" Left the school and visited Joe's uncle down the street. Went to Susan's from there for tea and a birthday cake for Lisa. Next day, took a four hour car ride to this place. Four hours may sound like a great distance, but with the roads the way they are in India, I think door-to-door it was about nine blocks.

Caleb is holding up well. First night in every new place is always tough but then he settles in. Jet lag here and there but he's healthy and happy and eating so many bananas he's grown a monkey tail.

Wish I could go on, or give you more details. I'll have to save them four later, I guess. Next stop is New Dehli in a couple of days.

Talk to you later





09/27/2004 10:16 PM

Subject: New Dehli, India

Second-to-last day here. Things are still going great. We left the beach resort a few days ago and took a couple of plane rides from Kovalam to Bombay and from Bombay to Dehli. On Saturday, Joe gave a lecture at the All India Institute for Medical Sciences which went over big. It was all about molecular imaging - the work he does back home - and he was so good even I understood it. Bunch of doctors and med students and college bigwigs, it was standing room only. Got a big hand at the end and a bunch of gifts. Big hit.

The next day we took a car ride to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. Very cool. Couple of strange things there. One, Indian men came up to Lisa to ask if they could have their pictures taken with Caleb. Another, two Indian women were posing in front of the Taj and dragged Lisa and I into the picture. If that wasn't weird enough, the woman in between us copped a feel on the both of us. Squeezing my ass with her left hand and first tickling then squuezing Lisa's breast with the other. For a second there I thought we might be getting pick-pocketed but no, we were just being felt up.

Drove back to Dehli - four plus hours, not counting the cows and bulls and rickshaws to avoid. We made it all the way back here to receive a message that I left my and Lisa and Caleb's passport, not to mention the plane tickets home, back in Agra. Cost me a lot of rupees but we had them delievered here by courier that night. The jackass move of the trip so far, but the trip ain't over yet.

Caleb is in good shape. He hasn't walked at all since the first plane ride here but he has leanred to clap, so that's something. We are meeting the President of India today. Not sure what we're going to say to him just yet, much less the etiquette. Joe had met him years ago - way before he was president - and the only thing we know for sure is he likes kids. We'll use that to try and avoid any international incidents. Keep checking CNN just the same.

Last email from India. We're on the big plane tomorrow, landing in NYC 3:40pm Wednesday. Lot more to tell, obviously, but we'll wait until then. Oh, and there's about 600 pictures and two hours of video to go through.


Check out the picture.






Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 16:26:16 EST
Subject: iMovie class

Nope, I'm not taking one. I'm teaching one. Am I ready Obi-John? Lisa and I are headed to Washington DC this weekend to visit Ann. Her school project this semester is for her kids to make an iMovie. After seeing my brilliant work on the Jamaica video, Ann has decided I am the expert. How did this happen? How did the "No child left behind" fall into KenDog's lap?

We're going to try and keep it very simple. (My specialty, by the way.) We'll have still and video cameras and my computer projected for the class to see, plus four or so in class for them to work with. Any advice? Any chance you could be in the Capitol Hill area at 11am Friday? Isn't this why you became a teacher? To keep half-knowledgeable clowns like me away from impressionable young minds? Ah, what the hell. It's only one future generation. There'll be others.


From John

Hey KD

Confusious say "To Teach is to Learn" or maybe I heard that on Wayne's World. Good luck with your new career, brother-in-law. You are ready. Might I suggest taking the cherubs out on the street to interview any liberal they find to ask the question, "What possibly went wrong." The responses would certainly provide some powerfully emotional clips, crying, anger, all that stuff.

Or they could shoot examples of the masses suffering from PEG which afflicts a great majority of political staffers in the Northwest section (PEG=Post Election Grin). Imagine a collage of 3 piece suiters with their molars glistening in the camera light, holding their "W" bumper stickers.

Well, whatever content you decide, I have a few pointers....

Kids love to see themselves on TV, with close ups! Few wide shots

If the kids are shooting, the video will suck. Grown-ups should shoot most of it. Let them edit rather than shoot. Little camcorders should never be put in the hands of people under 20 to avoid earthquake effect.

Play with interesting camera angles (that's cool), but mostly Òclose shots.Ó Shooting while kneeling or standing on a chair is great.

Rolling shots are fun. Sit on an office chair while shooting and have a kid roll you along while you film a kid walking parallel to you while looking in the camera. This is a very nice effect.

Pay attention to audio, if you aren't using a mic, make sure the damn built-in mic is close enough so their crackling voices don't end up sounding like they're in a tunnel. Built-in mics are hideous.

Don't shoot lots of source video or you will never get a final product. Make them practice their piece off camera so they are ready for take 1 or take 2 (no take 3).

Florescent lighting is aswful, get Ôem outside if possible.

Run one tape and log in (better yet, have someone log in) with a stopwatch. This saves time cause you import from the tape just the segment you are going to edit in iMovie. If you have more than one editing station, then that won't work.

I guess I could go on an on, but those are the ones off the top of my head.

Sorry, I won't be in DC until the inauguration.

Bon Chance and let me know how it goes (and I better see my name in the rolling credits).

Obi-John, aka ÒUncle Boat.Ó





Here's the easiest way to win over a classroom full of kids as a guest speaker: make fun of their teacher. It's cheap, underhanded, shameless, and guaranteed to grab them. I recommend it highly. The class went very well. Just before I started in, Ann explained their new spring project - making an iMovie of ancient Greece, having a huge premiere in the spring, hopefully selling enough tickets to pay for a trip to the Met in NYC to see the Greek exhibits. So right off the bat they were excited. I'd spent a few minutes in class beforehand snapping pictures and taking a few videos, then gave them the real quick basics. Time was short but it seemed like they got the hang of it. Then for two hours they had their annual Fall Fun Day - getting their faces painted in one room, limbo lessons in another, high on sugar cookies in a third - while I put together a more comprehensive iMovie of their class for them to watch at the end of the day. To say the least, they loved seeing themselves up there. The winning shot was a final freeze frame of Ann making a ridiculous face which left them roaring. They loved it. Ann on the other hand has not mentioned inviting me back. I had a good time and would do it again in a second. Two things I learned. One, teaching is frickin' exhausting. I was in the school for less than four hours, had little or no responsibilties, and was absolutely spent by 3:15. And two, it's true what they say about teachers being under paid. I ain't seen a dime. A reminder: I'm as equally uncertified to teach in Maine as Washington DC, so give me a call... KD



Ken tells the story of the Dehli Belly, his trip to India for Joe's award. On the airplane he had gas and was grateful for the loud sound of the plane. Sue will fill in.


Here's what I remember......

Ken/Ka/Mark (or it could have been Jack)/Me sitting in the living room talking. Somehow the subject of diets came up and Ken said the Dehli Belly diets is better than any South Beach diet. He said it hit him while they were flying home. He never felt sick but suddenly he had to go to the bathroom. Thankfully there was a bathroom a few feet ahead of him and it was unoccupied. He made a few descriptive noises and then said he was thankful or the airplane noise. He thought he was fine but 20 minutes later it hit again. And then 20 minutes after that. He realized he'd have to keep an eye on the bathroom in case anyone tried to use it because once it hit he needed to get in there in a hurry. At one point Lisa was asleep with Caleb sleeping on her. Ken was in the process of moving Caleb (was going to put him in his seat with out waking him) but the Dehli Belly hit him again. He had a moment of indecision.... should he drop the kid and run for the bathroom or should he put Caleb down without waking him. I don't remember what he did. I think this went on for the flight and even for a few days when he got home. Ken did say that after the Dehli Belly stopped he experienced the opposite of the Dehli Belly for a while. It was hard to hear all the details because Ka was laughing the whole time. Sometimes she even laughed for no apparent reason. It was the uncontrollable laughing. A lot of the time we were laughing @ ka and not the story.

Hope this is what you were looking for. If not let me know and I can maybe get the story from Ken. He tells it much better.

Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235




Nude pictures of DJ over the internet? I think we've crossed some sort of threshhold here. Or at least I hope we have. What next? Mark in drag??






Hey K-D!

Great movie of the kid! I still have an adolescent crush on Brooke, but
don't tell your big sis!

I need some more details on your prob. One possibility is if you have been
doing any rearranging of files. Since iTunes and iPhoto only "point" to the
actual files on your hard drive, if you move the folders it can cause them
to become sort of "unlinked." I'm not sure on Word docs.

Believe it or not, it could also be a virus, which is unusual for a Mac but
happens. Most viruses, trojan horses and worms are written for Windows
because it is so dominant in the market, but Mac gets its share. Are you
running software to protect it?

This is a tough one and might be better if you CALL the help line with more
details. Then I can interview you.

BTW, you are backing up all of your creative work, pics and music, right?!!!
One DVD will hold 'em all. Or did you get the external hard drive?

Call anytime!

J. Thurlow
Tech Support Guru and President of the Brooke Shields Blue Lagoon Fan Club




> From:
> Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2005 08:11:03 -0500
> To:
> Subject: Mac support
> Having some troubles with my settings. Things are getting reset to factory
> settings and disappearing on me. Nothing fatal just yet - all my word
> documents have been found - but I've seen my iTunes erased, address book
> vanished, and a month's worth of pictures go away. Any ideas? This is twice
> now. I found everything eventually the last time. Still looking for things
> this time. Am I doing this or is the computer?




VIdeo of Caleb and Brooke Shields see file


1.18.05 01/18/2005 10:58 AM

To: Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/
cc: Subject: Re: The Adoption Process continues.....

Weird. That's her right address but it goes out as for some reason. Are you trying to break Goldman's security or something? Anyway, I've gone to Betsey. She should know.

What are you doing for the Super Bowl? (Sounds like an invitation to myself, huh?) Lisa and I and # 8 will be in Maine that weekend - Sat-to-Mon - and thought it'd be fun to have a big bash if the Patriots win next week. Wolfecals, Beech Ridges, Karen and her belly, Nana and Jack. Only thing is King Street probably couldn't hold us. Starpine Lane, the big screen, and crunchy cheetos! Huh?! I quote Shoeless Joe in Field of Dreams: "Is this heaven?"

Don't answer now. Take the time to plan your misinformation strategies to Betsey and, if necessary, your husband.

Just a thought. I'll let you know if I think of something else you can do for me.




From: []
Sent: Sunday, March 27, 2005 8:13 PM
To:;;;;;;; bcalla@ix.netcom
Cc:;;;; mfc19@earthlink.netm;
Subject: Karen

Karen is home from the hospital. Fluid improved and BP is stable with bed rest. Doctor is going to try for 36 weeks now. That used to be 9 months, but somehow nine months is 40 weeks when your pregnant. I don't get the math, but I'm just the grandfather and Lord knows we don' know sh--. ( I know that 'cause Iv'e been told.) Finishes 33 weeks on Tuesday.

Both Mother and Mother-in-Law confirm the diagnosis. Both feel that Karen is gaining weight and is more solid in the tummy area. Mind you they both graduated Nursing a year behind Florence Nighengale. But, no matter we must listnen to them.

Appointments are twice weekly now, so stay tuned.


Thanks for your concern.




Just talked to the "Tax Man" he's cruizin.....

-----Original Message-----
From: KenDogC
To:;;;; Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/;;;;; GALWAYBAY1
Sent: Fri, 15 Apr 2005 8:05:19 AM Eastern Daylight Time
Subject: Re: 16 Hours

Seriously? Geez, I should get my things to Jack.



From: <Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/>
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:53:50 -0400
To: <>
Subject: Re: Great Moments In Benjamin History

Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235 04/12/2005 06:43 AM

To:, Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/,,,,,,,
Subject: Great Moments In Benjamin History

1776 - Benjamin Franklin invents electricity

1889 - Benjamin Henry Harrison is sworn in as president

2004 - Detroit Pistons' forward Ben Wallace starts that big huge brawl against the Pacers

2013 - Arlette Benjamin finally teaches Caleb to say, "Please." (Rate we are going, eight years does seem a bit optimistic but it'ss true that Arlette's last name is Benjamin.)

1956 - Benjamin Moore invents a heck of a line of paint

1892 - Gentle Ben saves Grizzly Adams from a hive of killer bees



From: <Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/>
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:53:36 -0400
To: <>
Subject: Great Moments In Joe History


Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

----- Forwarded by Susan Thurlow/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 04/12/2005 12:53 PM ----- 04/12/2005 06:43 AM

To:, Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/,,,,,,,
Subject: Great Moments In Joe History

1941 - Joe DiMaggio hits in 56 straight games

1989 - "If you build it, he will come." Shoeless Joe Jackson comes to Iowa

1936 - After years of doing highly respected religious work around the world, Saint Joseph, a monk apparently, founds a heck of a nice college near Windham, Maine

1992 - Joey Buttafuoco reunites with the wife who got shot in the head by his then-fourteen year old girlfriend

0 - No vacancies anywhere because of the holiday season, Joseph finds an empty manger for his wife to give birth in

1953 - Mighty Joe Young, a shorter, lesser-known version of the great ape King Kong, gets a movie made about his life. (A remake was done in 2000 which, according to Heather, had a trailer that would scare the blue Jesus out of a corpse.)


----- Forwarded by Susan Thurlow/Audit Security/Corp/HBC on 04/12/2005 08:13 AM -----

"Mantil, Lisa" <>

04/12/2005 06:47 AM

        To:        Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/HBC <Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/>
        Subject:        FW: UrbanBaby Dedicated Email: Exclusive Offer On Kids' Bedding

Benjamin Callahan Thurlow??  HOLY CRAP I can't believe it.  Just wanted to say how incredibly psyched I am for you and John.  It's amazing how sometimes things work out perfectly in the world.  I remember before Caleb seeing you with all of the nieces and nephews and thinking "If I can be half as good as Sue is with kids, I will be just fine."  You have always seemed to have the perfect blend of humor, discipline and knowledge.  Little Benjamin is a very very lucky little boy to be born into a household that contains two such great people.  
I am sure you are completely overwhelmed but please let us know if we can help with ANYTHING.  Just because we are 300 miles away doesn't make us any less or excited or willing to help!
I attached a cool website below.  They have very cute hip clothes for boys!
Congrats again!



From Ken

Are we still on Karen's baby? I'm afraid I might have passed my peak. These days I'm more focused on Sue's baby, on David Wells regaining his form, and on the reign of Benedict XVI.




(DJ writing as Karen) Here are more pool picks. Completely unfair given
that these guesses all came after being released from the hospital but
whoever said the Wolfeboro Callahans play by the rules. Payouts in this
family seem to be of the phantom sort, anyway. I'll do my best for Ken
and Lisa -- I'm thinking about getting in the car with Karen and doing a
little four-wheelin' tomorrow. Maybe we can jar something loose.

Abby 4-May Girl 6lbs 8 oz

Jackson 27-Apr Boy 6lbs 5oz

Taylor 6-May Girl 7lbs 1oz

Tawna 27-Apr Girl 7lbs

Jack 1-May Boy 6lbs 8oz

Lisa 24-Apr 2:43 pm Boy 5lbs 3 ozs

Ken 24-Apr 12:12 AM Boy 6lb 6oz

Dad 23-Apr Boy 6lb 3oz

John 23-Apr 5:01 PM Girl 34lb

Sue 23-Apr 6:37am Girl 6lb 2oz

Mark 22-Apr 9:25pm Boy 5lb 8oz



Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235

Susan Thurlow
04/29/2005 08:20 AM

Subject: Another dream or a cry for help --- you decide!

What do giant seals, flooding @ Pine Point, nuns in wheelchairs, Caleb and Joanne Cammet all have in common? If you're thinking another one of Sue's bizarre dreams then you'd be right!

I'll spare you from reading all the scary details but let's just say I don't think it was a good idea to leave Caleb in a Pine Point apartment by himself (with the door open!) while he waited for me and Ka to pick him up. Granted he did what he was told and sat on the floor and colored until we got there but Joanne wasn't even aware she was suppose to be keeping an eye on him. First of all she couldn't really see him from her place --- it was way down the hall. And secondly she was too busy tending to the nuns. When seals attack they can be vicious!

Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235


Susan Thurlow
Internal Audit Manager
207 885 2235
04/29/2005 04:14 PM

To: Susan_Thurlow/Audit_Security/Corp/
Subject: Re: Another dream or a cry for help --- you decide!

If you've been drinking too much lately, please stop. If you haven't been drinking at all, please start. Either way, once Benjamin hits the ground, never sleep again.



From Mark
Alex went on the potty. He just called to tell me. Let's see the others do that.

Ken if Caleb contiues to swear like a gang banger he will not be allowed to play with Alex.
Although Nana won't mind the swearing considering Alex says SHUT UP at least 5 times a day.

Repliy by Ken
Caleb no longer swears like a gang banger. He has learned many new words which he uses regularly and correctly. "Pleezth." (Please. Yup, he's got a little lisp.) "Poons" (Spoon.) "Cabel." (Caleb. Yup, he's got a little bit of Kram's dyslexia.) And "Peensth." (Penis. You should see him say goodbye to that thing every time we put on a new diaper. He's more torn up than when Lisa or I leave him.) He only swears when appropriate. For example when I hit him in the elbow with a fastball the other day. "Shit!"


And I thought just nice people like my friend Brook Shields lived in SOHO. Is someone contacting Brook to tell her to get out?

-----Original Message-----
From: Mark Callahan <>
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun 2005 12:20:31 -0400 (GMT-04:00)
Subject: Moving soon?

I just found out this happened at the Mercier Hotel.

As Caleb's god father I have a responsibility to look out after him.

I would get out of that neighborhood as soon as possible it's going down hill
fast. It always starts with a mega star throwing small appliance. Next thing
you know �� anarchy.

Russell Crowe Arrested After NY Hotel Fracas
Published: June 6, 2005
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Actor Russell Crowe was arrested on Monday charged with
second-degree assault after throwing a telephone at a hotel employee and hitting
him in the face, police said.



I figured out how to get a DVD onto a DV tape, which is huge when it comes to making iMovies. After about thirty-seven tries, I finally got the wiring right and was able to tape the home movie DVDs. LINE OUT from the back of the DVD/VCR player - into my camera - I reset the camera AV setting to IN where it always used to be OUT. I am a filmmaker extraordinaire once again, and would like to thank the academy. Okay, Tawna. I would like to thank Tawna, who told me what to do. I'm not sure if this will work on real DVDs yet (for example Finding Nemo and Jaws and C-SPAN-produced John Kerry speeches) as right now it's Elmo time and I've lost control of my screening room to Caleb. Once he goes to bed, I'll let you know...



(another help call to uncle boat!)

Haven't bugged you with this stuff for a while, huh? Probably because I haven't made one for a while. First, I seem to have lost my movie. (I did not back up. I am ashamed.) Nothing serious. I'd loaded the DVDs Sue sent onto iMovie, then did nothing more than edit out the obvious crap - maybe a half hour's worth of work. I went to open it tonight and got a "Your project file is not readable" message. Any hope? Or am I back to loading that stuff again? And should this all be a lesson to me?

Next, I was looking online and saw iLife '05. Is that worth running to the Apple store for? If I'm gonna upgrade for this project I'd just assume do it before I get started.



We moved. It sucked.

We're in, though. 37 Greene St Apt 3B. Please ignore that address
however. Well, not so much because we don't want visitors but because
we don't want mail coming here. That'll go to 39 Spring St #2 but not
until July 11th if you don't mind. For now, keep mailing us at 133
Mercer St #4, or to our summer rental at 101 Hapeman Hill Rd in Red
Hook. Also, if you felt like it, you could try sending a letter to
Lisa at her office at the 50th floor of One New York Plaza, or to me at
my office at 131 Varick St # 927. Confused? I wouldn't worry about
it. The Postal Service are genuises. If we moved to Mars, they'd
still find a way to deliver us our nine weekly copies of the same issue
of the Pottery Barn catalogue.

The move went all right. Movers were good, worked hard, didn't break
anything. It was good not to have the kid or the dog around. We
thought we did well beforehand by giving away and throwing out a lot of
stuff but actually we have tons more stuff to give away and throw out.
Beware of all your next birthdays. Anyone feel the need to make
homemade creme brulee for eight? Well, we have the baking tins! How
about a coffee mug with a dog of some sort on it? We have dozens!
Used baseball hats? Cases! Or, if you'd like to bake 31,000 cupcakes,
we can set you up with those paper liners. For a particularly special
birthday/anniversary/Nobel Prize nomination for one of you people, we
are holding on to our Rocky 4 soundtrack CD with the broken case. (I'm
serious. We own that, packed it and moved it. I even know which box
it's in. Lordy Hank.)

We are using our own furniture, which probably helped save Hudson. It
was hard to find an unfurnished place for short term but we swung it.
Brought Hudson in around six last night and everything smelled just
like home to him. Setting up Caleb's room today for his return next
Monday. He should be cool. For no other reason than the Nemo DVD as
been unpacked and is waiting next to the TV.

Gotta run. Somewhere in one of these boxes is my high school letter
jacket. I was thinking I'd wear it today...





From: <>
Date: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 19:57:24 -0400
To: <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>
Cc: <>
Subject: You won't believe this, but....

A guy by the name of Willie Wentzell was in the office to buy a trailer this morning He asked if we would deliver it to Wells.. He went down the yard by himself to look. He said he'd call. I called him around 4:45 this pm/ he said OK on the trailer. Stay with me. ....

.He said "Do you have a son by the same name?". I said yes. He asked "Did he ever play twi light baseball in Wells." Yes, I said and that's what ended his career. He said "I know. I was there". He said he saw the whole "play". He even said he is personal friends with the umpire behind the plate that night, and whenever they get together they always talk about the "play". I Mentioned how that story has become a folk lore in our family. he laughed and said It's true he was there. He was the catcher on Jack's team.

An eye witness surfaces after all these years. Reminds me of the TV show "Cold Case".
What can I say. You couldn't make up a story like this.
I never doubted you Jack....

Dad/Jack Sr.

------ End of Forwarded Message

From: <>
Date: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 20:46:12 -0400
To: <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>
Cc: <>
Subject: Re: You won't believe this, but....

Sweet Jesus. It's been 22 years. Can't we all just move along?

Although, I gotta admit right then when Willie said, "I know. I was
there," I got the chills just a little bit.





The only word of that that I can relate to at this point is "assclown."

-----Original Message-----
From: Murphy, Dennis J <>
To: 'Susan Callahan' <>; 'Callahan'
<>;;;;; Murphy, Karen F
<>; Murphy, Dennis J
Sent: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 13:19:29 -0400
Subject: RE: Video help

Spielberg's a no-talent assclown. Hold out for Ken Scorsese. Ken
Ken Fellini? Ciao.

-----Original Message-----
From: Susan Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2005 1:16 PM
To: 'Callahan';;;;;;;;
Subject: RE: Video help

Ken Spielberg

-----Original Message-----
From: Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2005 8:07 AM
Subject: Re: Video help

who is this.....

----- Original Message -----
From: <>
To: <>; <>;
<>; <>; <>;
<>; <>;
Sent: Wednesday, September 28, 2005 11:20 PM
Subject: Video help

> Coming toward the end and I should finish in time (we said this is for
> his 75th, right?). Lots of good stuff of everyone from everywhere
> except for Mom. I've been setting aside everything I've found of her
> but I don't think it adds up to a full song. (Something from the Guns
> N Roses catalogue, obviously.) Do you guys have anything? Can you
> pull it together? Talking to Mark earlier, the good news is no one
has to send me anything. All you'll have to do is put it on a DV tape and
> I'll be able to splice whatever I get in on Saturday night or Sunday
> morning. I don't think I have to worry about spending all night
> burning a DVD. I'm pretty sure I can just play the video on the TV
> from my computer using an S-cable. Which reminds me...
> John, can I just play the video on the TV from my computer using an
> S-cable?
> Just a thought. All five kids are well-covered as well as all ten
> grandchildren. The Put-Up-With-ers don't do as well but what the
hell. They'll be so pissed at having to pay the dinner tab they probably
> won't even watch the damn video. It's Mom who's falling short. I
> wanted to see if I could catch her up. Thirty-some-odd years of
> marriage and all. Pictures could work. I've been sticking with video so far just
because there's so much of it to go through. Pictures makes it ten times
that. But I've used them when I had no video coverage.



------ Forwarded Message
From: Mark Callahan <>
Reply-To: Mark Callahan <>
Date: Thu, 6 Oct 2005 17:48:15 -0400 (GMT-04:00)
To: <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>
Subject: Grand Opening

The Nana Betty Memorial Driveway will open to the public 7am 10/07.

The project came in on budget and ahead of schedule.

Please feel free to stop by.

We have installed a toll both on the West Beech Ridge Road end (Alex will be manning the booth). The tolls collected will be used for future maintance and Bridge repair. We are NOT accepting "EZ Pass" at this time.

We ask that you do not park or turn around on the new pavement until we have had some freezing temps.

Please use care as our construction crew (the girls) are still putting on some finishing touches that may cause lane closures from time to time.

Thank you

The NBMH Commission




Hmmmm.. the missing piece.... 14 months... was it unprintable?








Since we didn't have a baby pool maybe we should have a Chase Belly Button pool. My pick is May 3rd @ 10:10 AM.


-----Original Message-----

From: Karen Callahan []

Sent: Monday, January 01, 2007 4:52 PM

To: 'Kenneth Callahan';;;;

Subject: RE: The Big Brother Quote of the Day


Aahhhh. The belly button. Things to look forward too. Are you going for the record this time in long lasting belly button this time?


-----Original Message-----

From: Kenneth Callahan []

Sent: Thursday, December 28, 2006 9:19 PM


Subject: The Big Brother Quote of the Day


"Is his belly button still black?... It is?... I'm gonna stand over here then."







From: Mark Callahan []
Sent: Friday, February 09, 2007 9:18 PM
Subject: Alex....Grounded for life


This is a copy of what Alex told his teacher this week after being Star of the Week. Cheryl is not speaking to him.



Star of the Week


Alexander McNeil Callahan

lives at 19 W. Beech Ridge Road with his mommy, Cheryl, who is 93 years old , his daddy, Mark, who is 24 and so old that soon he is going to turn into a grandpa, sisters, Meghan, 32, Heather, 31, and Elizabeth, 7, and a dog Suka who is 0and red and black in color and 2 black and white cats Maya and Mika.


Alex was born December 26. 2002 and is 4 years old. He says he has blond hair and black eyes. His favorite color is green and he loves macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. His favorite place to eat out is McDonald's where he has chicken nuggets with fried dip and blue powerade! He loves their vacation to Portland where they went camping and he found Kryptonite, put it in a box, and then lost it!


Alex's daddy fixes submarines, big boats that go under water, for his job. His mommy serves food at a restaurant. When he grows up Alex wants to be just like dad and work on submarines.


When at school, Alex likes to play Mystic Force Power Rangers with Trevor. At home he likes to play Harry Potter legos with Elizabeth.


Alex wants everyone to know that his family is very special to him!


Alex is such a nice boy. He is always happy when he comes to preschool. It makes Mrs. Weed smile to see how nice he is to his friends. We all love having Alex at Little People's Preschool!


Mrs. Weed, Mrs. Schild, Mrs. Matz





From: Kenneth Callahan []
Sent: Friday, February 09, 2007 9:58 PM
To: Mark Callahan
Subject: Re: Alex....Grounded for life


Cheryl... the cradle robber... who'd have guessed?


Though I will say Mark's 24 years have taken a toll on him.





From: Sean Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, March 01, 2007 4:30 PM
Subject: My Daughter is all grown up!


Yesterday I was driving Francesca to school and we
were having a great conversation regarding her upcoming day's
activities in school. Then she asked me what every parent
longs to hear from their 3 year old little girl ...

F: "Daddy?"
D: "Yes Francesca"
F: "What does 'Eat $hit' mean?"

Needless to say, I'm so proud! (tear!)
I think she used the F bomb the other day as well.

Kind Regards
Sean C.






From: kenneth callahan []

Sent: Monday, March 05, 2007 8:49 AM

To:; Susan Callahan;

Subject: Cousin-ly advice


A tip from Caleb to his younger boy cousins:


"Sometimes when you're doing the pee dance if you twirl your shecky it makes

the dance stop."


Can we get a girl? Please? Anyone? Can we get a little girl?






From: kenneth callahan []

Sent: Sunday, March 04, 2007 12:23 PM

To: Susan Callahan

Subject: Re: FW: My Daughter is all grown up!


Ahh, parenthood.


Speaking of which, Caleb called me a "fucklehead" the other day. He's

always liked the term "knucklehead," and now he's practicing his rhymes.






Editior's Note: So much for accountant-client confidentaiality... especially now.


From: Jack Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:08 PM
To: Karen Callahan
Subject: RE: Tax return questions


Auto reply: Recepient has gone out of his mind.


We're sorry, but Jack no longer is employed here as an accountant.  We have no idea where he is.  He was last seen walking down the strip of North Conway , naked, reading a master tax guide muttering, “There's just no way Alex's social security number can have that many numbers.  There's just no way”


You can fax your documents to 356-2149 and we will find some monkey to finish all the returns Jack had in process.  We apologize for any inconvenience





From: Karen Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 11:28 AM
To: Jack Callahan
Cc: 'Murphy, Dennis J'
Subject: RE: Tax return questions


If THAT made you throw up a little in your mouth, this should really put you over the edge.


I debated on whether or not to tell you but figured I'd better.  If you want to ignore it, I'm okay with that.  Just delete this email.


Yesterday, I got a “Corrected Copy” of my 1099 from Mellon.  The total ordinary dividends is $52.72.  I can have DJ fax you the corrected copy if you want/need it. 


Just send us the bill from your therapist.  It's the least we can do. 



Ka  (your favorite little sister)


-----Original Message-----
From: Jack Callahan []
Sent: Sunday, February 25, 2007 6:25 PM
Subject: FW: Tax return questions




From: Jack Callahan
Sent: Thursday, February 15, 2007 5:56 PM
Subject: Tax return questions


Bmmlop (sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little)


You sold some stock in 2006.  I need to know the cost basis.


8/08/2006   $3,988.61 of Sovereign Bancorp. (Ka)

8/23/2006   $1,351.79 of Sovereign Bancorp. (Ka)

8/23/2006   $2,421.11 of Sovereign Bancorp. (DJ)


6/22/2006  $815.14 of Bank of New York


Think that's all I need.


Say hi to everyone...see you in a few weeks.








From: Murphy, Dennis J []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 1:34 PM
To: John Thurlow; Susan Callahan;;;;; Karen Callahan
Subject: RE: Traditional reminder


It's unfortunate that the fame, glamor and astronomical salaries associated with accountancy in this day and age have made those who feel they can't keep up the frenetic lifestyle or simply don't have the talent of a Jack Callahan have to turn to illegal performance-enhancing drugs. Accounting hasn't been the same since the Big Eight consolidated into the Big Six, ushering in the age of free agents jumping from firm to firm.


The real shame is all the math geeks in high school, and even middle school now, emulating their heroes by jacking themselves up with testosterone, human growth hormone and God knows what. These kids already have a hard enough time scoring with chicks, never mind introducing back acne, uncontrollable rage and Barry Bonds-sized craniums. Let's stop this for the kids.


DJ Murphy

Sovereign Bank Corporate Communications

75 State Street

Boston, Mass. 02109

Mail Code: MA1-SST-0407

office: 617-757-5513

cell: 617-959-4931

internal ext.: 42-5513


From: Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 2:29 PM
To: Murphy, Dennis J; John Thurlow; Susan Callahan;;;; Karen Callahan
Subject: Re: Traditional reminder


How the heck did D.J. get into the family...doesn't he know we have an IQ limit?  T



From: kenneth callahan []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 6:43 PM
To: Callahan
Subject: Re: Traditional reminder


Steroids?? Kids on steroids? At last, an explanation for Caleb's ears.



From: []
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 10:10 PM
Subject: Re: Traditional reminder


You're right T...It's those damn " outsiders" ...They always were a little troublesome.  What did you mean about an IQ limit anyhow???








From: Susan Callahan []
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 9:55 AM
To: 'Murphy, Karen F'; 'Jack Callahan'; 'Callahan'; 'Jack and Janet Callahan'; 'Lorinda Poirier'; 'Mark and Cheryl Callahan'; 'Ken and Lisa Callahan'; 'John Thurlow';; 'Shawn and Kristen Poirier'
Subject: RE: Good news during tax season


Kind of makes me feel guilty about making Andrew's bottles using water.


From: Murphy, Karen F []
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 9:42 AM
To: Jack Callahan; Callahan; Jack and Janet Callahan; Lorinda Poirier; Mark and Cheryl Callahan; Ken and Lisa Callahan; Susan Callahan; John Thurlow;; Shawn and Kristen Poirier
Subject: RE: Good news during tax season


This article is just the kind of justification that I needed!


From: Jack Callahan []
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 9:13 AM
To: Callahan; Jack and Janet Callahan; Lorinda Poirier; Mark and Cheryl Callahan; Ken and Lisa Callahan; Susan Callahan; John Thurlow;; Murphy, Karen F; Shawn and Kristen Poirier
Subject: RE: Good news during tax season

That's great news…I'm on my second glass of wine as we speak.


From: Callahan []
Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 9:13 AM
To: Jack and Janet Callahan; Lorinda Poirier; Mark and Cheryl Callahan; Jack Callahan; Ken and Lisa Callahan; Susan Callahan; John Thurlow;; Murphy, Karen F; Shawn and Kristen Poirier
Subject: Good news during tax season


Subject: Wine vs. Water


In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Water = Poop
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There's no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.


Tawna Callahan





From: Mark Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 6:41 PM
To: Murphy,Karen F;;;;;;;;;
Subject: Irish Philosophy


An old Irish saying is you only have two worries.


You worry weather you are sick or healthy.


If you are healthy you have no worries


If you are sick you only worry if you will live or die.


If you live you have no worries.


If you die you worry weather you go to heaven or hell.


If you go to heaven you have no worries.


If you go to hell you will be to busy saying hello to your friends to have anything to worry about.


So why worry.







To: Callahan, Jack & Janet ;; DJ Murphy (home);;;;; Karen Callahan Murphy;;;;;;
Subject: TWINS


"Oh My God, another set of twins"


- Nana






From: John Thurlow []
Sent: Tuesday, May 08, 2007 11:49 PM
To: Callahan, Jack & Janet ;; DJ Murphy (home);;;;; Karen Callahan Murphy;;;;;;
Subject: Awwww


Nothing like a hug from "Jack"







From: Thurlow, Susan F []
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2007 2:53 PM
Subject: Happy Diapering, Dad!


“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound.  Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.  Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

-Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968






From: Thurlow, Susan F []
Sent: Monday, June 18, 2007 11:23 AM
Subject: Joe Murph Story



Pretty funny story about Joe @ day care. 




Susan Thurlow


Shaw's Employees Federal Credit Union

Tel:  207 646 4989

Fax: 207 646 5673



From: Murphy, Karen F []
Sent: Mon 6/18/2007 11:19 AM
To: Thurlow, Susan F
Subject: RE:

no kidding.  good thing there wasn't a "joe" there when I toured!


From: Thurlow, Susan F []
Sent: Monday, June 18, 2007 11:17 AM
To: Murphy, Karen F
Subject: RE:

Wow --- that's even funnier that I imagined.  How do they write that up on his 'What Joe Did Today' forms?  How did he get all his clothes off --- including the diaper?  I am telling you try the pull-ups.  They might take a little longer to take them off than diapers.  


You know how adorable and funny I think Joe is but I can understand why the prospective parents ran the other way though.  Can't you?

Susan Thurlow Manager

Shaw's Employees Federal Credit Union Tel:  207 646 4989 Fax: 207 646 5673



From: Murphy, Karen F []
Sent: Mon 6/18/2007 11:02 AM
To: Thurlow, Susan F; Kenneth Callahan; Jack Callahan; Mark Callahan
Cc: Murphy, Dennis J


That's my boy.
The other day, Joe's teacher took two steps out his classroom to give the teacher across the hall something. It was directly across the hall.  She wasn't even out of sight of Joe's classroom. She handed the other teacher whatever it was she was giving her and then turned around to go back into Joe's room... and there's Joe. Standing in the hallway, wearing only his socks. His teacher gave him the "DENNIS JOSEPH MURPHY ! Get in that classroom this instant!" But the damage was done. You see, there was a prospective student with his parents in the hallway taking a tour of the school. Those parents haven't been back since. Damn. I hope the Murphys don't get penalized for driving business away. That could get expensive.

Karen F. Murphy
Vice President
Area Manager
Pelham, NH  03076
(603) 635-3372





From: Thurlow, Susan F []
Sent: Friday, July 13, 2007 10:50 AM
Subject: FW:

No more complaining about poops unless you experience this...................

Susan Thurlow


Shaw's Employees Federal Credit Union

Tel:  207 646 4989

Fax: 207 646 5673



From: Murphy, Karen F []
Sent: Fri 7/13/2007 10:46 AM
To: Thurlow, Susan F
Subject: RE:

I barely made it to work by 9:00am. Jack pooped in the car. And when I said Jack pooped... I mean Jack POOPED. It was on his socks, in the car seat, on his hands, and yes... On his face. Quite a morning. After we finally made it into school and cleaned up (he's wearing some other kids clothes because I forgot to replenish his spare clothes) I had to go back out and buy his teachers coffee because they are washing out his car seat etc...





From: Susan Callahan []
Sent: Sunday, July 22, 2007 7:29 PM
To: John Thurlow
Subject: Molly's Care Page


Hi Hon --- thought you might like to read a posting on Molly Callahan's care page.  She seems to be doing pretty good, just got back from camp.  This is pretty funny……..


Great Time!!
I'm posting early as we're off to the Jimmy Fund and then to MV for 4 days. Amazingly, Molly's counts went up while at camp (It really is a magical place!!) and she won't need any transfusions today only her weekly shot (only two more of those after today!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Camp was fantastic!! Molly had such a great time with her friend Maddie and she met a new friend named Emily who also had leukemia and is now done with treatment and doing great.

A lot of exciting things to do at camp. Circus Smirkus came and performed for the kids as well as the cast from the High School Musical from the North Shore Music Circus. It was really great!! Molly was falling asleep last night as we were prying her with questions. Just as she was about to drift off, she said "Oh Yeah, I also met Paul Newman" We were like "WHAT!!!!!!!!!!" Obviously we were a lot more excited about that than she was! "He's pretty old" she said," but he does have really nice blue eyes" It was so funny!!!! I guess he comes to camp often to talk to the kids which is so great!

Well, I'm happy to have her home as I truly missed her, being attached to the hip as we have been the past year. But.. the break was wonderful for all of us. She looked so refreshed and covered with freckles!! Can't wait to go again next year.

I believe that all of your prayers made this happen for her and I am overwhelmingly grateful for all your positve support you give us everyday. We are so blessed.

Only two weeks to the big challenge. PMC!!! The bikers are getting ready and the fundraising thanks to all of you is amazing. Every week when I walk into the Dana Farber building I'm astonished by the number of people affected by cancer and the dignity with which they fight the fight. Thanks for your support for this challenging cause.
Have a great weekend, we love you all.
The Callahans






From: Thurlow, Susan F []
Sent: Thursday, August 23, 2007 9:12 AM
Subject: Baby sitting for next week


I keep forgetting to mention Meg and Heather are staying @ my Mom's next week (Mark and Cheryl are going on a cruise).  The girls were asking if they could help out and watch the boys. What's your schedule like next week, when are you in school?  I was thinking we could send at least one of the boys over to my Mom's for an afternoon.  My Mom thought it was a good idea too--- she's looking for things to keep the girls busy.




From: Kenneth Callahan []
Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 10:59 PM
To: John & Sue Thurlow
Subject: iPhone


We're in. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? Why do I kid myself and think my next son will be named anything but Steve Jobs Mantil Callahan. Anyway, they're up and running (one for the wife - it is her birthday present; and one for me - well why not) but that's about it. No pictures yet, no iTunes, no videos. We'll be playing with it all weekend, I'm sure. Thanks again for introducing me to the force. How the hell did we live before Apple? Talk about the Dark Ages...




Me - "Caleb, today is Drew's birthday. He's one today."


Caleb - "Remember the day before this when he wasn't a number?"


Happy First to the best behaved of the 13 (and top-three best looking; I'll let you decide the other two). Good bash on Sunday? Joe Murphy get a little too drunk? I'll be glad when Caleb's is over. And Lisa's. And our anniversary. There's no chance in hell I remember Mark and Cheryl this week. Anyway, I didn't have Drew's cell phone and I wanted to get this in under the wire.


Hey Ken,  Jack and I were talking to your mom and dad and thought that if we took the kids from the first Sunday to Wednesday and then if your mom and dad wanted we could go to maine the next weekend to help out also.  This way Taylor and Jackson would be around for them to play with .  That being said, here's a little story from yesterday to keep in mind..........







Here's the story from my perspective:


8:30  I head out to the car to wait for Abby to do one final pee etc, before we head off to school.  I have my computer tower which needs to be fixed and Mandi in the backseat.  Bailey is standing on the console leaning on my shoulder as usual. 


8:40  Abby comes usual she is dressed for Tallahassee Florida, and as ususal I say, Abby don't you want a coat?  As usual she says "I've got it"


8:41  The car door shuts and we head off to school. 


8:42  I say "Ok Abby let's do our kegels!  (Our bladder exercises).  We try to get in 50 on the way to school and things are quiet while we count them up. 


8:44  I say "Abby you're pretty quiet back there, are you sleeping?  Abby? Abby?


8:45  I get to the top of pleasant valley road and before I pull out into traffic, I think I better move Bailey out of the way and check to make sure that she's not passed out in the back seat.......


Here's the story from Abby's perspective:


8:30  Mom heads out to the car to wait for me to do one final pee etc, before we head off to school. 


8:40  I come out.....appropriately dressed for a typical 3rd grade day in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire.  Mom says " Abby don't you want a coat? "  I say "oh, I'll go get it...."  I put my backpack in the backseat and shut the door.  Mom starts pulling away and I think "oh she's just pulling to the top of the driveway"  then she turns out of the driveway and starts heading down the road.......I think "what the @#$%^&#@@$$!"


8:42   I think OK, I'm really too nervous to go back in the house.....should I go across the street?  No I don't really know them......what about the Garnseys?  No they're already gone.......well I'll just head around the circle and see who may be able to give me a ride to school.......

8:44  Cool, Mr. Franklin is just leaving for work .......I flag him down........Hi, can you give me a ride to school, my mom forgot me...


OK I'll speed the story up from here........I'm racing back down Pleasant Valley Road calling the house................I see Mr. Franklin flash his lights at me and as I stop he rolls down his window and I see him on his cell phone saying "OK Jack, yeah she's right here............Ok see ya!


So anyway, I promise I'll make sure both kids are in the car before we go anywhere.   T